Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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