The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
