Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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