And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
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