My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
