I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
