Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
