So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
