How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
