I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
