Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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