I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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