I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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