You can't motorboat a personality
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
