Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
