you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
