Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
