'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
