I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
