I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
