why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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