I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
