Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
