I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
