there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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