we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Vodka?
Forever.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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