You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
