i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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