I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
