I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
