Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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