well most of my day revolves around power hour
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
