it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
did i just pee glitter
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
