she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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