at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
