Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I could fuck to npr.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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