Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
