Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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