Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
