I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
