god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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