sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
