So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
