The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
