Whatcha textin bout Willis?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
