epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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