I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
She swung at the pinata with crutches
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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