i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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