Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
