sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Randomize
