Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
