Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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