how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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