so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
