How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
