I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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