So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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