i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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