Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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