My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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