Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize