you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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