There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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