I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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