I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
