You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
