walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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