we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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