SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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