You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
