I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Randomize
