FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
