Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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