take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
